Allostatic Load in Midlife: Are You Idling at Stress?
Idling at Stress: When a Woman Finally Chooses Herself
Homeostasis, allostatic load, perimenopause and the invitation to recover
By Christina Elena McHugh | Yogic Cowgirl™
A woman finally begins choosing herself.
For years, she has attended to children, relationships, work and the endless details that keep everyone else's world moving. She has pushed through because people needed her and because she became very good at it.
Now there is a pause. The children need her differently. Some of the chaos has settled. Or she has reached the point where she cannot keep putting herself last.
She makes room for her needs.
Yet something still feels off. Why doesn't the relief match the effort?
I work with women of all ages, and I keep noticing this: life has slowed in some ways, but the woman in front of me is still holding. Her shoulders are lifted. Her belly is braced. Her breath pauses as though another demand is already on its way.
I call this idling at stress.
Allostatic load is the accumulated physiological burden of repeated or prolonged stress responses. In midlife, that burden may overlap with perimenopause, changing responsibilities and disrupted sleep. “Idling at stress” is Christina Elena McHugh’s phrase for feeling braced or on alert even after an immediate demand has passed.
When holding becomes familiar
In my classes, women discover effort they didn't know they were making. They notice that they hold their breath while concentrating, keep their stomach pulled in or prepare for the next task even while resting.
“What becomes familiar can begin to feel normal.”
My curiosity begins here: What has her body been asked to do repeatedly? What does she notice when she finally has time to listen?
Three terms help explain maintaining balance, adapting to demands and carrying the cost of adaptation.
Homeostasis: maintaining the conditions that sustain us
Homeostasis is the body's ongoing work of keeping essential internal conditions within workable ranges.
Think of temperature. When you get hot, sweating helps cool you. When you get cold, shivering helps generate heat.
The body keeps making adjustments. Balance is active.
Homeostasis does not mean feeling calm all the time. This internal regulation continues while we rest, exercise or navigate a demanding day.
Allostasis: adjusting to meet changing demands
Allostasis describes maintaining stability through change.
Before and during a challenge, the body can adjust energy availability, heart rate and other processes to meet what is expected or happening.
That ability helps us climb the hill, teach the class, solve a problem and care for someone.
Homeostasis and allostasis work together. One describes maintaining essential conditions; the other emphasizes adjustments that help us do that as demands change.[1]
Allostatic load: the accumulated cost
Allostatic load describes the cumulative wear and tear associated with repeated or prolonged activation of the body's adaptive systems.
These systems protect us. But repeated demands, or responses that remain active after a demand passes, can carry a cost.[2]
Term | In everyday language |
Homeostasis | Keeping essential internal conditions within workable ranges. |
Allostasis | Adjusting to meet changing or anticipated demands. |
Allostatic load | The accumulated physiological cost when adaptation becomes repeatedly or persistently taxing. |
“Idling at stress” describes an experience: the task is finished, yet the holding continues. It is my metaphor, rather than a measurement of allostatic load.
The question it opens is simple: Where is the opportunity to recover?
Perimenopause is part of this story
We cannot discuss a midlife woman's body as though nothing is changing.
During perimenopause, estrogen can fluctuate considerably. Progesterone patterns change as ovulation becomes less consistent. Sleep, temperature regulation and mood may change too.[3]
A woman can be navigating these changes while finally making room for herself.
She may wonder why familiar routines feel different, why she feels less rested or why she can no longer ignore something she once pushed past.
Hormonal changes and years of carrying demands can coexist. Every woman's experience deserves room.
My question is: What support does she need in the body and the season she is living now?
Connection belongs in the biology of recovery
The tend-and-befriend theory, introduced by Shelley Taylor and colleagues in 2000, gave greater attention to caregiving and seeking social support as stress responses, particularly in women. It challenged a research tradition that had relied heavily on males.[4]
The paper proposed a role for oxytocin interacting with reproductive hormones and other chemical systems. It discussed evidence, substantially from animal studies, that estrogen can enhance certain oxytocin effects and that androgens can inhibit oxytocin release under stress.[4]
These distinctions deserve attention. Hormones can shape responses without making every woman's experience identical.
For my teaching, this raises a meaningful question: Have we given connection and receiving care enough room in our understanding of wellness?
Who tends to the woman who tends to everyone?
A woman can be surrounded by people and feel alone in what she carries.
“Being needed does not necessarily mean she feels supported.”
I see something meaningful when women gather without having to perform. There is room to breathe, laugh, move, hum and speak honestly. There is room to receive attention instead of immediately directing it outward.
Pleasure, beauty, music and welcome touch belong in the spaces I create.
I am interested in dopamine and oxytocin as part of the broader conversation about motivation, reward and connection. My observations do not measure those chemicals. What I can describe is the difference women report when their practice includes enjoyment and support alongside effort.
“Achievement has received enormous attention. Nourishment deserves attention too.”
Receiving can bring up shame
Sometimes a woman makes room for rest and immediately thinks about what she should be doing.
She feels guilty attending a class. Uncomfortable receiving care. Unsure whether pleasure is a good enough reason to take time.
That is a conversation I want women to have together.
If she has been valued for being capable and available, receiving may take practice.
Another woman saying, “I feel that too,” can create an opening. So can an experience that asks nothing of her beyond showing up.
I want women to have places where their needs are welcome.
The breath is the bridge
“For me, the breath is the bridge between mind, body and soul.”
It offers an immediate place to listen.
What does your everyday breathing pattern look like?
Are you holding while reading a message? Bracing while waiting? Rushing through the exhale?
Before asking someone to change her breathing, I invite her to notice it. A few ordinary breaths can become a moment of curiosity.
What am I doing? What am I feeling? What would support me right now?
The answer may include breath practice. It may also include sleep, nourishment, movement, companionship, a boundary or a change in what she is expected to carry.
Awareness helps her hear the question.
Restore. Repair. Recover.
My transformation included naturally losing more than 100 pounds. It also included learning to listen to myself differently.
Approaching 52, I want women to know that choosing themselves can develop into an ongoing relationship with their bodies.
Regulation includes energy, enthusiasm and meeting challenges. It also includes making room to recover afterward.
Always calm is a heavy expectation to place on a living woman.
I want her to notice when she is holding, recognize what she needs and experience support in meeting that need.
She has practiced pushing through for years.
“Now there is room to practice the return.”
Make room for your return
If you recognize yourself in these words, begin with a pause. Notice your breath. Notice what you are holding. Ask what would support you today.
For a guided place to begin, explore RECODE • RESET • RISE™, my seven-day nervous system reset program, with audio practices and journaling to support awareness and make room for recovery. Or connect with me to explore a personalized Breath Assessment, yoga, breath practice or sound healing.
Choose one next step: explore RECODE • RESET • RISE™ or reach out through my website to work with me.
About the author
Christina Elena McHugh is the founder of Yogic Cowgirl™ and a certified RYT-200 Kundalini yoga and meditation teacher based in Wickenburg, Arizona. After naturally losing more than 100 pounds, she brings lived experience, curiosity and compassionate teaching to her work with women of all ages. Through yoga, breath practice and sound healing, she invites women to notice their patterns, listen to their bodies and make room for recovery, connection and joy.
Where the Ancient East Meets the Wild West™.
What is the difference between homeostasis, allostasis and allostatic load?
Homeostasis keeps essential internal conditions within workable ranges. Allostasis describes the adjustments the body makes to meet changing demands. Allostatic load is the accumulated physiological cost when those adjustments become repeatedly or persistently taxing.
Why might I still feel stressed after life slows down?
A quieter schedule does not always bring immediate relief. Ongoing worries, familiar patterns of tension, disrupted sleep and hormonal changes may contribute. Noticing what remains after a demand passes can help you identify what support you need.
How does perimenopause fit into the stress conversation?
Perimenopause involves changing estrogen and progesterone patterns that can affect sleep, mood and temperature regulation. These changes may overlap with caregiving demands and accumulated stress, making recovery an important part of the conversation.
What does “tend and befriend” mean?
Tend and befriend describes responding to stress through caregiving and seeking social connection. The theory highlights these responses particularly in women and explores the possible role of oxytocin alongside reproductive hormones.
Where can breath awareness begin?
Begin by noticing a few ordinary breaths without forcing them. Observe whether you are holding, rushing or adding effort. Then ask yourself what would support you: rest, movement, nourishment, connection or a boundary.
Sources informing the terminology and hormone discussion
McEwen, B. S., & Wingfield, J. C. (2003). The concept of allostasis in biology and biomedicine.https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12614627/
McEwen, B. S. (2005). Stressed or stressed out: What is the difference?https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1197275/
Santoro, N. (2016). Perimenopause: From Research to Practice.https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4834516/
Taylor, S. E., et al. (2000). Biobehavioral Responses to Stress in Females: Tend-and-Befriend, Not Fight-or-Flight.https://taylorlab.psych.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2014/10/2000_Biobehavioral-responses-to-stress-in-females_tend-and-befriend.pdf
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